In the back-to-school conversations I’ve been having with many people, I find myself speaking about how a sense of urgency interferes with the relationship we want and need to connect with our children. Often it is our false sense of what is important, such as needing to properly tie their shoes, read, spell, get out the door, eat, clean up, get to bed… that keeps us from truly connecting with our children (not to mention spouses, neighbours, family, friends, colleagues!). The urgency of the task and the lack of time is the modern-day definition of anxiety. When our minds see everything as an emergency, we behave/speak/react accordingly with a fight or flight response that is rarely coming from a centered, calm, creative self.
Be aware, that is the first step. Be aware of yourself, be aware of who is before you and recognize what is the real need. Take your own moment to centre. See this little being or talkative person for who they are in this moment and consider what it is you are looking to accomplish. Oftentimes, we can accomplish much more by staying in relationship and out of rushing.
P.S. I don’t want my kids to be late for bed or school either, however I realise time and time again how connecting with them is necessary before any correction or direction. And truly, five minutes can make all the difference, even if it means we are late. They won’t remember or be defined by being five minutes late for school or practice but are defined and remember how they feel in your presence.
Check out Gordon Neufeld and the Neufeld Institute for more information on connecting before correcting and being in the right relationship: https://neufeldinstitute.org/