How to ensure your friendship will stand the test of time – by: Lisa Van De Geyn of Canadian Living Magazine
You probably already know the importance of best friends: Having that special first-rate friend (I’m looking at you, Aimee) gives you greater strength when the going gets tough. According to recent research from the University of Leeds in England, the greater the quality of the study participants’ best friendships, the more resilient they were a year later.
If you’re going to reap the benefits of having “your person,” nurturing the relationship is key. “Friends help you find meaning, witness your changing life and want to know the depths of what you’re experiencing,” says Maria Schmid, a registered psychologist in Calgary.
To make sure your friendships with your best pals stand the test of time, Schmid offers this advice: “Be present, let your actions reflect love and respect, and show them you see, hear, admire and are thankful for them.”
What I like about this TEDx is that it summarises a lot of key ideas of what arises for most of us in counselling. We are all looking, underneath the struggles, tragedies, stories and relationships, for the belief in our self to know we are on the right path and can listen to our truth.
Love: It is complicated and challenging yet yields the greatest reward. It makes us grow and experience ourselves fully.
In 1939, Harvard Medical School began tracking the lives of two groups of men to identify the psycho-social predictors of healthy aging. The two groups consisted of 456 poor men growing up in Boston from 1939 to 2014 (the Grant Study), and 268 male graduates from Harvard’s classes of 1939-1944 (the Glueck study). Link to the Grant and Glueck study.
The conclusions of the study strongly indicate that good relationships keep people happier and healthier. It’s particularly close relationships that matter rather than the number of relationships.
The biggest predictor of your happiness and fulfilment overall in life is love.
This is an insightful lecture from Dr. Daniel Goleman, a world renowned psychologist who is known for his work on emotional intelligence and learning. The video explains how high achievement for ourselves and our children can be obtained by focus, mindfulness, positivism and preparation; all skills that I teach my clients and here they are all together!
If you have Netflix, there is an entertaining documentary film called (Dis)Honesty, which focuses on work done by Duke University professor Dan Ariely on the topic of lying. What may be surprising to you (or not), is that lying to ourselves and to others is very commonplace. The film delves into some of the experimentation done by Professor Ariely, which resulted in interesting observations around common, international human behaviors and rationalizations . The film also follows a number of individuals whose stories of dishonesty dramatically change their lives. This will help you consider what lies you are telling yourself and how it may impact you!
A number of clients have spoken with me about their low energy levels, or ways to increase their mood, productivity and self control. As you know, eating a wholesome breakfast is crucial but how to do it quickly is the question. Carbs and fats (ie: toast and cereal included!) aren’t getting you going for long. High fiber, produce and protein are recommended.
So along with your smoothie, below are three great recipes for the mornings that can be eaten on the go. All of them use beans as the base instead of flour; the brownies are egg and flour free and are a favorite at our house. The best part is that I add another cup of cooked carrots, fresh spinach, zucchini, prunes etc., some chia, hemp, flax seeds and it doesn’t change the taste and increases the health our bodies need. Make a batch at the beginning of the week and have breakfast or snack ready for each day!
Below are several books that I consistently recommend to my clients:
- Hold On to Your Kids: Why parents need to matter more than peers by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate
Marriage and Couples
- The 5 Languages of Love by Gary Chapman
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert by John Gottman and Nan Silver
- Love and Respect Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs
- A Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal, and Jon Kabat-Zinn
- The 9 Steps to Emotional Fitness: A toolkit for life in the 21st Century by Warren Redman
- Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ by Daniel Goleman
Grief and Loss
- The Way of Transition: Embracing life’s most difficult moments by William Bridges
- The Lost Art of Listening: How learning to listen can improve relationships by Michael Nichols
Simply Good Reading
- Focusing by Eugene Gendlin
- The Prophet by Kahil Gibran
- The Cup of Our Life: A guide for spiritual growth by Joyce Rupp
- Simplicity and Success: Creating the life you long for by Bruce Elkin